Dole Whip It Good

600,000 Disneyland visitors can be wrong. That's how many Dole sponsored pineapple whipped confections they sell every year in the Enchanted Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Room (you know, where all the birds sing and the flowers croon). So delightful are these that folks have developed at home recipes, this one comes from the blog Chocolate Covered Katie. Of course everything is easier with an ice cream maker (especially when making ice cream) but even without one you too can have frozen refreshing whipped dessert when not in Anaheim. Traditionally, it is made with pineapple only - I dare say it might be tasty with with banana, or perhaps even strawberry...but that's no good to the Dole Whipped purists.

Freedom of Choice, Devo's transformative1980 album, chock full of good advice. For instance when a problem comes along, you must whip it. When a good time goes wrong, you must whip it. And, cooking lessons like what to do before the cream sits out too long (you must whip it). Essentially, the life lesson here is that is not too late to whip it (providing that you whip good). And finally, perhaps most importantly, that it's ok to wear a flower pot as a hat with your haz-mat suit. Mark Mothersbaugh (who went on to Rugrats fame - go figure) and fellow Ohionans de-evoled into the premiere American punk/new wave/techno band of the late 70s and early 80s, asking and answering such profound societal questions as: "Are we not men? We are Devo." Eventually, they could get no satisfaction, stepped on a crack, broke their mamas back, could not move forward or shape it up, turns out it was too late to whip it...

The Recipe:

2 cups frozen pineapple

1/4 cup milk of choice (Try canned coconut milk for piña colada soft serve - if you like pina coladas and getting caight in the rain)

1/16 tsp salt

2 tbsp sugar 

scant 1 tbsp lemon juice

Blend all ingredients until smooth. Scoop out with an ice cream scoop, or squeeze through a pastry bag, or a plastic bag with an edge cut off. (If your blender is not super-powerful like a Vita-Mix, you may need to add a little more liquid and then freeze a bit before serving, or churn in an ice cream maker.) For soft-serve that holds its shape longer, freeze the swirled dole whip at least 20 minutes prior to serving. Makes enough whip it for two.

Sloppy Joe Namath's

This was originally published on August 24,2011 in my first blog Cooking With Alice, where I spent 121 "cooking" my way through Alices Brady Bunch Cookbook. The "recipes" in general are repulsive, and clearly untested. But they make for a great story, and if you Google "baked beans in a flashlight" I'm number two. Enjoy reading, use extreme caution if you are foolish enough to try this at home.

Sloppy Joes, not a normal menu item for our house. When I first met Mark he would make a scary version involving ground turkey and some type of condensed soup (possibly vegetable, but I've tried to block it out). So, needless to say, they've been tabu ever since. And, anything that includes ketchup as an ingredient makes me wary, but it's not tuna, so I am doing it. I briefly toyed with the idea of making my own ketchup, but that just makes me a freak, right? So, garlic, Worcestershire sauce, dry mustard, brown sugar and ground beef round out the recipe. As usual, the ingredients and the directions do not match up, keeping me on my twinkle toes.

Season 5, Episode 2: "Mail Order Hero".  Okay, so we really do  need to start to worry about Bobby. Why wasn't Mike enough of a male role model that he had to seek out the likes of Jesse James, Minnesota Fats, and now he will lie, cheat and practically steal to meet Joe Namath?  I mean, if they aren't careful he's going to grow up to be a race car driver. Just sayin. Anyway, Bobby's insecurities show when he brags to his friends that he knows Joe Namath personally. When they tell him to put up or shut he feels the squeeze. Cindy, thinking she's doing him a solid, writes Namath a letter saying her brother is dying to meet him, literally. When Broadway Joe shows up at the Brady's thinking he is meeting a terminally ill fan, Bobby plays along with Cindy's ruse and weakly feigns illness, until Mike and Carol get wind of the ploy. Insert fatherly lecture #47 here about honesty, integrity, blah, blah, blah we've heard it all before and apparently no one in that house is listening.  Namath, sensing he's been had, makes an end run for the exit and quicker than you can say 'I've got a run in my pantyhose,' he's outta there.

Use extreme caution as this may cause permanent damage or death to your taste buds.

The Recipe:

1/4 cup butter
1 large white onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 3/4 tblsp Worcestershire sauce
2 tsp firmly packed brown sugar
1 3/4 tsp dry mustard
1 1/4 c ketchup
2 c lean ground beef, cooked (I love this - ground beef in "cups" not pounds or ounces, leave it to Alice)
8 hamburger buns
soft butter (because, you can never have enough!}

In a skillet melt the 1/4 cup of butter and saute the onion and garlic until soft, about 5 minutes. Add the Worcestershire, brown sugar, mustard, salt (which you may notice is not mentioned in the list of ingredients}, and ketchup. Reduce the heat and simmer slowly for 10 minutes. Add the meat (which you were already supposed to cook according to the above), and simmer until hot. Spread the inside of the buns with soft butter. Spoon some of the beef evenly onto each bun. Alice's Note: This is most requested when friends are brought home for lunch. Makes 8 sandwiches.

Larry Tater Tots

Inspired by a recent viewing of Napoleon Dynamite, I had a hankering for some tots. Never a big fan, I can easily recount when and where I have had them in my lifetime: my high school cafeteria (where the only two edible items were the chocolate chip cookies and tater tots) and then a few years ago I enjoyed them immensely at a place called Psycho Suzies - an old A&W turned tiki bar in Minneapolis. That's it. However, not content to satisfy my craving with the nationally advertised brand of frozen tots, I decided to see if I had skills enough to make them from scratch. You might be surprised to find, as I was, that there are quite a few DIY tot recipes out there. I chose one as seen on TV from Food Network that seemed simple enough - shredded potatoes, egg, flour, salt combined, formed and deep fried. The only glitch was my mixture was wet and sticky (instead of "dry and workable") and this made for a difficult time when trying to achieve tot shape. Also, I cooked the first batch a little too long -  when it rains it pours. Three minutes, not four to five as the recipe stated seemed to be just right. In the end, they were tasty and served with a side of Heinz ketchup, the anticipation worth the wait. When it doesn't say Ore Ida, it's still all righta.

There may have been two Dick's on Bewitched (York and Sargent), but there was only one Larry Tate. Played by David White, Larry was one half of the advertising agency McMann and Tate, although I don't ever recall there being a McMann, and type A boss of Darrin Stephens. TVs original Mad Men, Darrin and Larry were always trying to land a new account by dropping in unannounced with clients when Samantha was up to her twitchy shenanigans. But Larry never caught on no matter what spell was used on him - he took a licking and kept on ticking.  Only nosy neighbor Gladys Cravitz wondered "does she, or doesn't she?" One thing was for sure, what happens at the Stephens, stays at the Stephens.


The Recipe:

Canola oil, for frying
4 russet potatoes, peeled
1 1/2 tablespoons salt, plus more for seasoning
1 teaspoon cracked black pepper, plus more for seasoning
1 egg, beaten 
1/2 cup all-purpose flour (I needed way more and still had trouble. But, no pain, no gain)
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper (optional)
1 teaspoon smoked paprika (optional)1/2 teaspoon garlic powder (optional)

In a deep-fryer or heavy-bottomed pot, heat enough canola oil to come halfway up the sides of the pot, to 375 degrees F.Finely shred potatoes on a fine box grater. Season the potatoes with 1 1/2 tablespoons of salt and 1 teaspoon of pepper. Put the potatoes into a kitchen towel and squeeze out the excess liquid. Put the potatoes into a medium-sized bowl along with the egg and mix well. Add the flour and stir to combine. Stir in the cayenne, smoked paprika garlic powder, salt and pepper, to taste. The mixture should be workable but dry. Form the potatoes into balls or tots and fry, in batches, until golden brown, about 4 to 5 minutes. Remove from fryer and drain on a paper towel lined tray. Immediately season with salt and pepper, to taste. Transfer to a serving bowl and serve. They're grrreat!

Buddy's Family Antipasto

If you are a true Detroiter, there are a few basic truths about you (at least where food is concerned): Vernors, Sanders, Better Made chips, and Buddy's pizza.  Now, I know Chicago is famous for their deep dish, but Detroit holds it's own at Buddy's. An institution at the corner of Six mile and Conant and family owned and operated since 1936. Their secret is the toppings go under the cheese - so no charring of the meats. But they are almost equally as famous for their antipasto salad (feeds a family of 6 easily) as they are for the pizza. Lettuce, salami, ham, cheese all tossed with the secret vinaigrette dressing. The first trick here is the brick, cheese that is. A soft, white that's higher in fat than other domestic (i.e., Wisconsin) white cheeses.  Although, I must admit, when I make it at home for my family, I often use shredded mozzarella, as that's generally what I have on hand. There is one element for which there is no substitute and that's the dressing - the Buddy's dressing that makes a Buddy's salad a Buddy's salad. Almost equal parts soybean oil and red wine vinegar, with "spices" and sugar added, it has a distinct flavor, you know, like Vernors only different. Luckily, Buddy's now bottles and sells their dressing locally, so your family, and more importantly mine, never has to be without.

Family, ABC's 1976-82 (3 years too many if you ask me) drama featuring an average middle class Lawrence family. At the heart of it all was Buddy, aka Letitia, aka Peaches, aka Kristy McNichol. The show created what we now term "very special episodes" featuring Pubescent angst (McNichol), infidelity, divorce and single parenthood (sister Nancy, played by Meredith Baxter Birney not Birney), wayward school dropout brother Willie, breast cancer, alcoholism and the struggles of an educated housewife and mother who put her family ahead of her own wants and needs. Melodrama at its finest, the best plot lines involved Buddy, usually faced with some decision, like whether or not to have sex with Lief Garrett - to which she always just said no, (until teaming up with bad news girl Tatum O'Neil at summer camp in Little Foxes, that is). But, like all shows, it began to wane and suffering from C.O.S. (Cousin Oliver Syndrome, an almost always fatal affliction that leads to series cancellation), a new cute kid (Quinn Cummings) was added into the mix, solidifying the break up of the Family.

The Recipe:

2 hearts of Romaine, chopped or torn apart by family dysfunction
2 thick to medium slices of a good, low fat salami, cut into bite-sized pieces
2 slices of good ham (that's redundant because all ham is good ham except Quinn Cummings), cut into bite-sized pieces
4 oz Brick or mozzarella cheese, shredded or cubed
Buddy's dressing to taste

Toss. In a bowl. Even a child could do it.

Fowl Play

Sometimes such a simple idea (and tried and true formula), with really basic yet quality elements can be a smash hit. This time, I was ready to take the chance again with comfort food. Thinking (day dreaming, really) about the noodles and gravy in Frankenmuth, Michigan at the all-you-can gorge family-style chicken dinners of my youth and childhood served as my muse. There though, they ruin them with a topping of cracker crumbs - why, I have no idea, I guess some people just like it better that way. A basic roux, turned to a luscious thick gravy, my version puts the chicken in (I hate to chicken out), since I intend this as a main event and not just a little something on the side. And store bought egg noodles, which are labeled dumplings (they need too be extra wide to handle the gravy) even though they are not, fit this bill of fare just fine. Creamy, savory, warm and inviting. The perfect combination of yum.

Foul Play, 1978 hit romantic comedy starring Chevy Chase and Goldie Hawn, Dudley Moore, and of course the late great unsung hero of cinema Billy Barty. The plot is unoriginal, yet somehow manages to be both amusing and satisfying. With Hawn, as a subdued librarian who knew too much, and Chase as a serious San Francisco cop (post-SNL, pre-Fletch), who set out to solve a murder mystery involving a pack of cigarettes, an albino, a dwarf (Barty, duh) and the Catholic Church. Funny dialogue, perfect casting, romance, intrigue and lovely scenery round out this romp. A familiar formula, done right.You get what you get when you go for it....

The Recipe:

1 boneless, skinless chicken breast, trimmed and cut into bite-sized pieces

4 cups chicken broth

12 oz Egg noodles, broad or dumpling style

3 tbsp butter

1/2 cup flour, plus more for dredging (up the past)
1 tbsp olive oil

Salt to taste

Heat oil in a 10-inch skillet. Dredge chicken pieces in flour, shaking off excess, and saute until cooked through. Remove from heat. Bring to boil 5 qts of water in a large pot. Meanwhile, in yet another pan, melt butter until it stops bubbling and whisk in the flour. Whisk for one one minute, then slowly add the broth, still whisking, until smooth. Bring to a boil, and stir until thickened. Add the chicken to your now gravy. Cook noodles according to package directions. Drain, put in a casserole dish and add gravy chicken combination. Stir and serve 4.

SLAW & ORDER: SSU

SSU, otherwise known as Special Syndication Unit. Originally posted May 14,2013 and living in in re-runs for perpetuity...

"In the blogosphere, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the eaters who investigate food and the cooks who prosecute the recipes. These are their stories."

By any other name Asian Broccoli Slaw would still taste as sweet. This is literally my go-to party pot luck and everyday side dish. I originally got the recipe from my sister Judy (yes, Judy; not one of the usual suspects, I know) , but she used regular shredded cabbage cole slaw mix. And I did too for years, until by good fortune and happenstance, Trader Joe's starting carrying shredded broccoli slaw mix. Ah Ha! An idea was born, and as it turns out, this is the only way the Julia child will consume broccoli - so a two-fer. The variation on the them is that sometimes, depending on the occasion and availability in my fridge, I will add marinated grilled chicken as well. I actually feel as if I'm phoning it in if I do, and damned when I don't make and take this with me - everyone is so happy to see and so disappointed (as if I have committed a crime) if I bring something else. I guess some people don't mind the same show, I mean recipe, over and over and over again.

LAW & ORDER, the longest running drama in American television history - 20 years on the air (only The Simpsons and Gunsmoke come close, and that is odd but good company). Who knew that NBC's answer to ABC's NYPD Blue would become such a TV phenom? Cleverly scripting each "ripped from the headlines" plot to first show the crime and the arrest by the police (that's the law) and then shifting to the district attorneys who prosecute the offenses (that's the order) for the trial and sentencing. So popular, the series spawned many spin-offs: LAW & ORDER: SVU, LAW & ORDER: Criminal Intent, LAW & ORDER: The College Years. And who can forget the dramatic sound effects, tying the whole show together? (Play the video)

The Recipe:

2 boneless skinless chicken breasts, cooked and cubed (optional)
1/2 cup soy ginger marinade (only if you are opting the chicken)
14 - 16 oz pkg broccoli slaw mix (Trader's Joe's brand preferred)
1/2 cup slivered almonds
Ramen Noodle, Oriental Flavor (who says "oriental" anymore anyway? Sooo politically incorrect)
2 tsp sugar
1/2 tsp pepper
3 tblsp white vinegar
1/2 cup vegetable oil

If going for the chicken, marinate in soy ginger for 45 minutes. Grill chicken and allow to cool before chopping. In a small bowl, combine dressing ingredients (sugar, vinegar, oil, pepper and flavor packet from Ramen Noodles) until well mixed. In a large bowl, mix chicken, broccoli, almonds, and crumbled Ramen Noodles. Add dressing and toss (not throw out, mix well).

That Grill

Seasons (and seasonings) change. After the winter of my polar vortex discontent, it was time to turn from sauce laden, oven dependent comfort foods to springtime grilling. When I first started to cook, as a young twenty something living alone in NYC, I longed for an outdoor cooking device. Every time I cooked meat in my tiny teeny "kitchen" that lacked ventilation it wreaked for days. Fast forward to life in the burbs, and a fancy grill that was my Mother's Day present a few years back, and I'm living the dream. Of course it took longer than usual for the three foot snow pile that came between me and that grill to melt. But once it did, I began to heat it up with chicken fajitas. No ordinary fajitas, mind you as I use a special rub - Detroit Mexicantown seasoning. It comes in a decorative little tin, and the contents must be a well kept secret as they are not listed other than "spices". Embracing this refreshing simplicity, I always make sure to have some on hand. Add in some peppers (red and green), warmed tortillas and a little guacamole and you have yourself dinner without a greasy pan to clean up afterwards. It's true what they say, if you make it there you can make it anywhere.

Who can turn the world on with her smile...? Wait. Stop. Wrong show. That Girl (ABC, 1966-71) starring Marlo Thomas came first and was the show that paved the great white way for all of our single, independent career women to follow. Wanna be actress and temp worker Anne Marie, a girl from Brewster, NY trying to make it on her own in the big apple, with her affable puppy dog boyfriend Donald Hollinger along for the ride. Anne was always finding her self (and sometimes her toe) in a jam, but despite the pleas from her parents to give up her dreams, come home and get married like normal girls, she persevered. Quite possibly my favorite opening TV show montage, Anne Marie set a course for women from Mary Richards to Murphy Brown - allowing us free to be you and me.

The Recipe:

1 whole boneless, skinless chicken breast split and trimmed

2 tsp fajita seasoning, preferably Detroit Mexicantown

Dash of lime or lemon juice

1 green pepper, seeded and sliced into thin strips

1 red pepper, seeded and sliced into thin strips

12 flour (or corn) tortillas

Guacamole (your on your own here)

Queso fresco

Place 1 tsp of rub in the bottom of a shallow container. Place chicken breasts side by side on the rub and sprinkle 1 tsp of rub on top. Add dash of juice, cover and refrigerate for at least an hour. Heat grill on high for 10 minutes. Reduce heat to medium high and place chicken directly on the grill. My grill has an upper shelf grate that I cover with foil and cook the peppers up there at the same time. If your grill lacks this feature, you should get a new one. Cook, turning once for 15-20. Remove chicken from heat, slice into thin strips and enjoy.