Mr French Toast

So french toast is my favortie breakfast food to make at home. My favorite in a restaurant is silver dollar pancakes - but I can never get them right when I make them, so that I leave to the professionals. I learned to make french toast on my 8th grade camping trip to The Pinery in Canada. Over an open fire, no less. The boy in my class (we will call him Tony, since that is his name) who I had had a crush on since the first day we met in 6th grade showed me how. Sadly, he did not return my love, but he did teach me a skill I still to this day practice. Having parted ways in 9th grade, I often wondered about him. And then, about seven years ago, I learned that he lived just a few blocks away and his son was in the Julia child's class. Fate? Kismet? A cruel joke? All of the above really. He barely remembered me (if at all) and all of those wasted hours riding my bike passed his house seemed in vain (when we were in middle school, not as an adult). Anyway, a simple recipe, with a sweet little story. Good, thick bread, an egg, some milk and a dash of cinnamon. Oh, on a hot griddle - I no longer require the flame or burning embers of an open fire.

Before there was Mr. Belvedere, TV had it's quintessential butler in Mr French (played by Sebastian Cabot) on Family Affair. Nothing said comedy in 1966 like dead parents and a trio of unwanted orphans sent to live with their confirmed bachelor uncle, (Uncle Bill, played by Brian Keith) and his butler.Teenage Cissy, 6 year old twins Buffy and Jody, and Mrs Beasley rounded out the cast. And of course comedy ensued when the everyday ups and downs of raising kids ran smack into the swinging single lifestyle of New York City in the 1960s. Not unlike the fate of the Diffrent Strokes  cast (wealthy bachelor saddled with three kids and a housekeeper in the 1980s) the series actors met tragic and untimely deaths - Buffy died of a drug overdose, Uncle Bill committed suicide by gunshot, and Mr French died of cancer. Mrs Beasley is the lone survivor, bringing big bucks on Ebay (especially if she's in her original box).

The Recipe:

1 egg
1/2 cup milk (although, i will tell you, Tony didn't measure, he eye-balled the amounts, much like he did Anne Tintinelli, my arch rival for his affections. But I'm over it....)
dash of cinnamon
4 slices thick bread

Heat griddle. Beat egg, milk, cinnamon together in a wide, shallow bowl. Dip each slice of bread in the egg mixture, turning and pressing so it it is soaked. Cook on hot griddle, turning once, until golden brown. Serve with butter and warm syrup. Dust with powered sugar, if you have it.

Where's the Chocolate Dragon's Beard Candy?

Last week two people in my office went to Asia - one to China and one to Japan. And, they both brought back treats, presumably from the packaging, chocolate candy. Let's start with China and the Chocolate Dragon's Beard. Very beard-like, although not chocolatey. It was like a fuzzy shredded wheat that shed when you took a bite. And it desperately needed a cup of coffee to wash it down. There is a brown interior, wrapped in the white fuzz, but it was more of a paste than a piece of chocolate. This should never be confused with a Chocolate Frog (of Harry Potter fame), white is actually solid chocolate and actually shaped like a frog. Having never seen an actual dragon, I am not even sure that this is what their beards look like. Moving on to Japan, we have the Salt Crispy Chocolate. Again, no trace of chocolate. It was very much like a thin rice crispie treat with lots of added sodium, so they got two out of three right. These candies have made me think that somewhere, some marketing whiz said you know, if you use the the word chocolate, Americans will eat it up.

Where's the Beef? The ubiquitous tag line from the 1984 (a little too Orwellian, if you ask me) Wendy's commercial that sky rocketed  Clara Peller to fame. The ad featured three old ladies fondling a fluffy bun, admiring it's largess and Peller screaming for bigger meat. The phrase became so popular that Presidential candidate Walter Mondale asked his opponent Gary Hart "Where's the Beef?" referring to his lack of big ideas during a democratic debate (we now know that Donna Rice had that answer all along). Peller ate up her 15 minutes doing talk shows and even made an appearance on Saturday Night Live, before dying in 1987 at the age of 85. Finally, in 2011, Wendy's began an ad campaign declaring "Here's the Beef" . Now that's better.

The Ingredients:

Mmmmm, desiccated coconut, that's what gives it it's beard flavor. Please heed the warning about not eating the desiccant silica gel - that fooled me when it fell out of the package upon opening the candy! Not sure if the January 8, 2013 was the manufacture date or the expiration date......and always keep your Dragon's Beard in a cool, dry place (as it is likely flammable).



McHale's Navy Bean Soup

To soak or not to soak (the beans), that is the question. When using the meaty ham bone that had been in the freezer since Christmas, I decided to go with the traditional recipe from the Rival Crock Pot Cook Book, circa 1974 (see Split Peabody and Sherman Soup). Trouble is, it says to soak the beans at least 4 hours or overnight, but the package of navy beans said soaking was not necessary. A soup conundrum if ever there was one. I decided to soak, and I went all in and did it all night long. The next day, I just plopped the disgusting animal remains, water, chicken broth (which is optional, you can use all water), and a bay leaf in the crock, turned it on and waited 10 hours for soup. Luckily, I like soup, because that it a long time to wait. A rich and creamy concoction, filled with chunks of ham (which is second only to bacon...) and  a warm tasty meal on a cold winter's day is born.

It hard to believe in this day and age when we so revere the service of the men and women who serve in our armed forces that there was once a time (the 1960s to be exact) when we made a mockery of our service personnel in TV and the movies. Case in point: McHale's Navy, starring Ernest Borgnine and Tim Conway (Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy) as PT boat crewman during World War II who are hell bent on making a quick buck, picking up women and other general unmilitary-like antics. And need I mention Gomer Pyle USMC, Wackiest Ship in the Army (with Ricky Nelson) and Operation Petticoat, to name a few more? In the post-World War II pre-Vietnam era, we apparently thought our military was full of bumbling idiots, schemers, and general malingers. Good thing nowadays, we support our troops.


The Recipe:

1 pound dry navy beans (soak or not soak, your choice)
2 quarts water (I chickened out and used part borth)
1 pound meaty ham bone
salt to taste
1/2 tsp pepper
1 medium onion, chopped
1 bay leaf

Put all ingredients on CROCK-POT. Cover and cook on low for 10 -12 hours (If you want to be high, 5 to 6 hours). Makes enough to feed an army.

With Three You Get Soup Dumplings

A few years ago, a friend and I happened to be cold and hungry and in New York's Chinatown neighborhood when we stumbled upon a restauarant that looked pretty much like all the others on Mott Street. With one exception, that is. This place had a tutorial on the place mat on how to eat xiao long bao (soup dumplings, to you and I). Intrigued, we ordered a batch. Heaven - short and sweet - is how I would describe the experience. A tightly wrapped dumpling filled with pork  (made to order in the open kitchen)and a gelatinous gel, that when steamed is turned to soup, and when eaten just right, gives one the sensation of hot soup and an entree all in one. Experts suggest finding the thin side of the dumpling and biting a small hole to release the liquid onto the oblong spoon, slurping the soup and then popping the dumpling into your mouth. Anyway, fast forward a few years, and the Julia child becomes introduced to xiao long bao while reading a book about a girl who travels to Taiwan to visit her Grandmother. She of course sets herself on a quest to eat soup dumplings and the impetus for a trip to New York City is born. The rest, as they say, is history....

With Six You Get Eggroll, the 1968 Doris Day/Brian Keith classic that I saw as a child at the drive-in ( I believe the now defunct Oak Drive-in) and remembered fondly. Sadly, like everything else from my childhood, it turns out to be completely inappropriate to show my child. Sexual innuendo and the battle of the sexes peak as a widow with three sons reunites with an "old friend" widower with a teenage daughter. When they decide to marry, sparks fly, but between the kids, not the adults. The highlight seems to be the debut of George Carlin in his first acting role. Tensions rise and fall, but all is well once they realize that now when this melded family orders Chinese food, there are enough of them to get free egg rolls. Apparently, one day this lady met a fellow and they knew they were much more than a hunch....


The Recipe:

Plane ticket
Cab fare
Metro card
NYC Street map app to 100 Mott Street

Special Equipment: Cash (they don't take checks or cards)

Fly to New York. Take a cab into Manhattan (preferably Grand Central Station). You can take the bus, but if there are more than two persons in your party, you may as well cab it. Purchase a MetroCard and board the number 6 train Downtown. Exit at the Spring Street Station. Head eats on Spring Street 2 blocks until you reach Mott Street. Turn left. Your destination, Shanghai Cafe, will be about a half a block on the right. Try not to buy too many knock off Louis Vitton bags or Rolex watches on your way. Order #1 for shrimp, # 2 for pork dumplings.

Freaky Fryday

So, what is a girl to do with her Friday nights during Lent? Volunteer at the church all-u-can-eat fish fry, that's what. There is nothing like the lure of a commercial kitchen to get my cooking juices flowing, and it's an opportunity I've always wished for. Turns out, wishes were fishes. What I didn't expect was the fast paced environment of serving 300 fish dinners in just under two hours - clearly, I was never cut out for a career in the food service industry. Oh, and the greasy smell of my hair and clothes afterwards was rather unappealing as well. It reminds me of when my sister Dana worked at a fast food restaurant (Peppy's) in high school and my mother would make her strip when she cam in the door because her uniform smelled so bad. Anyway, the fish does taste good. Cod, dipped in a beer batter mixture of Drakes Crispy (used to be spelled with a K, but they wisely changed it to a C) Fry Mix (a fine little Michigan company since 1937) and Milwaukee's Best - the Catholics know how to do fish up right, and this recipe gives new meaning to the (fish) basket of cheer.

Freaky Friday - and I mean the 1976 original with Jodie Foster, Barbara Harris and John Astin (of Addams Family fame) The ultimate mother/daughter who has life easier vehicle that taught us all that the grass is always greener on the other side. When a teenage girl and her middle-aged mother, who don't see eye to eye on anything, both wish at the same moment (on Friday the 13th, no less) to trade places with the other hilarity ensues. The mother in the daughter's body makes a mess of things at school and the daughter in the mother's body can't handle even the basic household chores, let alone catering a dinner for her oblivious husband and his important clients. The story reaches a fever pitch during a spectacular water skiing scene where both characters concede defeat and wish to go back to being themselves, with a new found appreciation for the other of course. It is truly a cautionary tale, since every woman fears turning into her mother more than anything else.


The Recipe:

10 pounds Drakes Crispy Fry Mix
six pack of Milwaukee's best
gallons of water
100 pounds of cod, filleted, boned, cut into pieces
20 gallons of cooking oil

Special Equipment: commercial deep fryer that can hold 375 degree constant temperature

Mix the Drakes, the beer and the water and "stir like hell"; put in the walk-in for 15 minutes to chill. Dip cod into batter, shake off excess and throw in the fryer for three minutes, skimming the stray batter pieces off as the fish cooks. Drain fish and serve in aluminum pans. Serves 300 of your closest friends and relatives.

Soylent Green Beans

The food pyramid is no longer. It's now a plate, and green is it's predominate color - for vegetables of course. In fact, adults are suggested to consume as much as 2 cups of green per day. As such, I am constantly looking for healthy, tasty ways to prepare fresh greens beans. My favorite method is courtesy of my Aunt Jane and involves a lot of bacon and butter- but her recipe, while it tastes good is in no way shape or form good for you. So the quest continued until I stumbled upon a recipe for green beans with almonds in the Gourmet Cookbook. And voila! My new favorite - fresh green beans, a little butter, just the tight amount of garlic, and finely ground almonds (to the point where they are so pulverized they no longer resemble a nut). All in under 15 minutes, mind you. Now, I recommend using a food processor to grind the almonds beyond recognition - I was lazy once and thought I could pound them into submission with a meat mallet, but I just made a mess and they weren't fine enough to adhere to the beans. Got Green?

Soylent Green, the 1973 Charleton Heston sci-fi vehicle. The year is 2022 and the earth is over populated, hampered by a climate that is getting increasingly hotter, poverty, unrest and a food shortage. Hmmmm. The government provides food in colors: Red, Yellow and ultimately Green wafers that are good and supposedly good for you. Heston portrays a tough, no nonsense cop, who while investigating a suspicious death uncovers the truth about Green (alledgedly made from plankton) is really finely ground humans - leading to the great movie line: "Soylent Green is people!" This reminiscent of course of the classic Twighlight Zone episode "To Serve Man" where aliens (who look like humans except for their large foreheads) come to earth, obstensibly in peace and present their plan to the humans in a book with the same title. The stupid humans think that the aliens are here to obey, little do they know that it is really the name of their cookbook and they plan on eating the humans. Clearly, our fear of canibalism has made for some great TV and movies. I don't know what all the fuss is about - afterall, I often like to give the name "Donner" when I make a restaurant reservation - and no hostess yet has hesitated calling out "Donner Party of 4, your table is ready".


The Recipe:

1 pound green beans, trimmed
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 garlic clove, minced
1/2 cup skinned (kind of nasty when you think of it) whole almonds, finely ground in a food processor
salt and freshly ground pepper

cook bean in a 3 quart saucepan of boiling well-salted water until crisp-tender, about 4 minutes;drain. Melt butter in a 12-inch nonstick skillet over moderate heat. Add garlic and cook, stirring, until it just begins to turn golden, about one minute. Add almonds and cook, stirring, until they begin to color slightly, about 2 minutes. Add beans and cook, stirring, until tender and heated through, about 2 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Serves Man (4 to be exact)

Midnight Plantain to Georgia

Fried plaintains, or in this case Tostone Frites, made from green (unripe) plaintains(like bananas only not) that are twiced fried - because two frys are better than one. I recently sampled these in a tapas restaurant and upon some brief research found out that they are a popular side dish or appetizer in many Latin American countries, including Cuba and Puerto Rico. That knowledge of course led me to my zany BFF Anne (see A Flan to Remember), whose husband is from Puerto Rico, but of Cuban decent - a twofer as far as the cuisine is concerned. Here is what Anne had to say about the salty taste treat: The cooking method is different depending on if they are very ripe (blackish and soft) or green and hard.  Tostones are always the salty ones.  Cut them about an inch thick.Deep  fry for a few minutes.  Take them out and press down on them to flatten--there is even a device to do this called a tostenara--then put back in oil until brownish.  Take out and salt.  The sweet ones, plantanitos, you cut at an angle about 1/2 inch thick and fry until they are very deep brown (they will be a little sticky (because of the sugar in them).   Clearly, the voice of experience talking as far as fried green plantains are concerned.

Midnight Train to Georgia, the 1973 number one hit by Gladys Knight and the Pips. Where to start? First, this song is one of my all-time faves. Second, growing up in the Sherwood Forest neighborhood of Detroit, we had the pleasure of being neighbors not only with Gladys, but with the Pips (Bubba, Edward and William) as well as her mother, and attended school with the children. I remember that if the leaves were down off the trees, you could sometimes see Gladys on her front porch (when she wasn't out on tour) get her morning paper from our dining room window - which I realize now sounds a bit stalkerish. Anyway, those were the good ole days. Everybody's talking about the good ole days. Try to remember, and if you remember it so, so mellow . The skies were bluer and the smiles were bright. Can it be that it was all so simple then? It certainly seemed that way, until Gladys picked up and moved to L.A. (and now owns a string of chicken and waffle restaurants in Atlanta) Sadly, all good things must come to an end, and Gladys having decided to go solo, left the Pips without a lead pipe. Richard Pryor saw the comedy in this during his short-lived TV variety show and the the rest is history. (Play the video)

The Recipe:

3 to 4 cups canola or peanut oil for frying
2 green plantains
salt or garlic salt (or both if you are a bit loco)
Tostones are twice-fried plantain chips. When making Cuban tostones, first use green plantains (plantains with a black skin are ideal for platano maduro - the sweet and soft dessert version). Peel both plantains, then slice into pieces, each piece about 2" long.

Fry them using the same method as above until soft, and let them drain on paper towels. Next, take each piece and smash it in a tostonera - a tostones press available at most online Cuban stores. If you don't have a tostonera, you can simply place paper towels over a slice, and smash it into a flat round with a can of food.

When your cooking oil is hot again, add all of your flat plantain pieces and fry them on each side until golden brown. Allow them to drain on paper towels, sprinkle them with mojo sauce (if you like) to taste, or put the mojo on the side to use as a dipping sauce. I suggest you get your Mo-Jo on.