McHale's Navy Bean Soup

To soak or not to soak (the beans), that is the question. When using the meaty ham bone that had been in the freezer since Christmas, I decided to go with the traditional recipe from the Rival Crock Pot Cook Book, circa 1974 (see Split Peabody and Sherman Soup). Trouble is, it says to soak the beans at least 4 hours or overnight, but the package of navy beans said soaking was not necessary. A soup conundrum if ever there was one. I decided to soak, and I went all in and did it all night long. The next day, I just plopped the disgusting animal remains, water, chicken broth (which is optional, you can use all water), and a bay leaf in the crock, turned it on and waited 10 hours for soup. Luckily, I like soup, because that it a long time to wait. A rich and creamy concoction, filled with chunks of ham (which is second only to bacon...) and  a warm tasty meal on a cold winter's day is born.

It hard to believe in this day and age when we so revere the service of the men and women who serve in our armed forces that there was once a time (the 1960s to be exact) when we made a mockery of our service personnel in TV and the movies. Case in point: McHale's Navy, starring Ernest Borgnine and Tim Conway (Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy) as PT boat crewman during World War II who are hell bent on making a quick buck, picking up women and other general unmilitary-like antics. And need I mention Gomer Pyle USMC, Wackiest Ship in the Army (with Ricky Nelson) and Operation Petticoat, to name a few more? In the post-World War II pre-Vietnam era, we apparently thought our military was full of bumbling idiots, schemers, and general malingers. Good thing nowadays, we support our troops.


The Recipe:

1 pound dry navy beans (soak or not soak, your choice)
2 quarts water (I chickened out and used part borth)
1 pound meaty ham bone
salt to taste
1/2 tsp pepper
1 medium onion, chopped
1 bay leaf

Put all ingredients on CROCK-POT. Cover and cook on low for 10 -12 hours (If you want to be high, 5 to 6 hours). Makes enough to feed an army.

With Three You Get Soup Dumplings

A few years ago, a friend and I happened to be cold and hungry and in New York's Chinatown neighborhood when we stumbled upon a restauarant that looked pretty much like all the others on Mott Street. With one exception, that is. This place had a tutorial on the place mat on how to eat xiao long bao (soup dumplings, to you and I). Intrigued, we ordered a batch. Heaven - short and sweet - is how I would describe the experience. A tightly wrapped dumpling filled with pork  (made to order in the open kitchen)and a gelatinous gel, that when steamed is turned to soup, and when eaten just right, gives one the sensation of hot soup and an entree all in one. Experts suggest finding the thin side of the dumpling and biting a small hole to release the liquid onto the oblong spoon, slurping the soup and then popping the dumpling into your mouth. Anyway, fast forward a few years, and the Julia child becomes introduced to xiao long bao while reading a book about a girl who travels to Taiwan to visit her Grandmother. She of course sets herself on a quest to eat soup dumplings and the impetus for a trip to New York City is born. The rest, as they say, is history....

With Six You Get Eggroll, the 1968 Doris Day/Brian Keith classic that I saw as a child at the drive-in ( I believe the now defunct Oak Drive-in) and remembered fondly. Sadly, like everything else from my childhood, it turns out to be completely inappropriate to show my child. Sexual innuendo and the battle of the sexes peak as a widow with three sons reunites with an "old friend" widower with a teenage daughter. When they decide to marry, sparks fly, but between the kids, not the adults. The highlight seems to be the debut of George Carlin in his first acting role. Tensions rise and fall, but all is well once they realize that now when this melded family orders Chinese food, there are enough of them to get free egg rolls. Apparently, one day this lady met a fellow and they knew they were much more than a hunch....


The Recipe:

Plane ticket
Cab fare
Metro card
NYC Street map app to 100 Mott Street

Special Equipment: Cash (they don't take checks or cards)

Fly to New York. Take a cab into Manhattan (preferably Grand Central Station). You can take the bus, but if there are more than two persons in your party, you may as well cab it. Purchase a MetroCard and board the number 6 train Downtown. Exit at the Spring Street Station. Head eats on Spring Street 2 blocks until you reach Mott Street. Turn left. Your destination, Shanghai Cafe, will be about a half a block on the right. Try not to buy too many knock off Louis Vitton bags or Rolex watches on your way. Order #1 for shrimp, # 2 for pork dumplings.

Freaky Fryday

So, what is a girl to do with her Friday nights during Lent? Volunteer at the church all-u-can-eat fish fry, that's what. There is nothing like the lure of a commercial kitchen to get my cooking juices flowing, and it's an opportunity I've always wished for. Turns out, wishes were fishes. What I didn't expect was the fast paced environment of serving 300 fish dinners in just under two hours - clearly, I was never cut out for a career in the food service industry. Oh, and the greasy smell of my hair and clothes afterwards was rather unappealing as well. It reminds me of when my sister Dana worked at a fast food restaurant (Peppy's) in high school and my mother would make her strip when she cam in the door because her uniform smelled so bad. Anyway, the fish does taste good. Cod, dipped in a beer batter mixture of Drakes Crispy (used to be spelled with a K, but they wisely changed it to a C) Fry Mix (a fine little Michigan company since 1937) and Milwaukee's Best - the Catholics know how to do fish up right, and this recipe gives new meaning to the (fish) basket of cheer.

Freaky Friday - and I mean the 1976 original with Jodie Foster, Barbara Harris and John Astin (of Addams Family fame) The ultimate mother/daughter who has life easier vehicle that taught us all that the grass is always greener on the other side. When a teenage girl and her middle-aged mother, who don't see eye to eye on anything, both wish at the same moment (on Friday the 13th, no less) to trade places with the other hilarity ensues. The mother in the daughter's body makes a mess of things at school and the daughter in the mother's body can't handle even the basic household chores, let alone catering a dinner for her oblivious husband and his important clients. The story reaches a fever pitch during a spectacular water skiing scene where both characters concede defeat and wish to go back to being themselves, with a new found appreciation for the other of course. It is truly a cautionary tale, since every woman fears turning into her mother more than anything else.


The Recipe:

10 pounds Drakes Crispy Fry Mix
six pack of Milwaukee's best
gallons of water
100 pounds of cod, filleted, boned, cut into pieces
20 gallons of cooking oil

Special Equipment: commercial deep fryer that can hold 375 degree constant temperature

Mix the Drakes, the beer and the water and "stir like hell"; put in the walk-in for 15 minutes to chill. Dip cod into batter, shake off excess and throw in the fryer for three minutes, skimming the stray batter pieces off as the fish cooks. Drain fish and serve in aluminum pans. Serves 300 of your closest friends and relatives.

Soylent Green Beans

The food pyramid is no longer. It's now a plate, and green is it's predominate color - for vegetables of course. In fact, adults are suggested to consume as much as 2 cups of green per day. As such, I am constantly looking for healthy, tasty ways to prepare fresh greens beans. My favorite method is courtesy of my Aunt Jane and involves a lot of bacon and butter- but her recipe, while it tastes good is in no way shape or form good for you. So the quest continued until I stumbled upon a recipe for green beans with almonds in the Gourmet Cookbook. And voila! My new favorite - fresh green beans, a little butter, just the tight amount of garlic, and finely ground almonds (to the point where they are so pulverized they no longer resemble a nut). All in under 15 minutes, mind you. Now, I recommend using a food processor to grind the almonds beyond recognition - I was lazy once and thought I could pound them into submission with a meat mallet, but I just made a mess and they weren't fine enough to adhere to the beans. Got Green?

Soylent Green, the 1973 Charleton Heston sci-fi vehicle. The year is 2022 and the earth is over populated, hampered by a climate that is getting increasingly hotter, poverty, unrest and a food shortage. Hmmmm. The government provides food in colors: Red, Yellow and ultimately Green wafers that are good and supposedly good for you. Heston portrays a tough, no nonsense cop, who while investigating a suspicious death uncovers the truth about Green (alledgedly made from plankton) is really finely ground humans - leading to the great movie line: "Soylent Green is people!" This reminiscent of course of the classic Twighlight Zone episode "To Serve Man" where aliens (who look like humans except for their large foreheads) come to earth, obstensibly in peace and present their plan to the humans in a book with the same title. The stupid humans think that the aliens are here to obey, little do they know that it is really the name of their cookbook and they plan on eating the humans. Clearly, our fear of canibalism has made for some great TV and movies. I don't know what all the fuss is about - afterall, I often like to give the name "Donner" when I make a restaurant reservation - and no hostess yet has hesitated calling out "Donner Party of 4, your table is ready".


The Recipe:

1 pound green beans, trimmed
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 garlic clove, minced
1/2 cup skinned (kind of nasty when you think of it) whole almonds, finely ground in a food processor
salt and freshly ground pepper

cook bean in a 3 quart saucepan of boiling well-salted water until crisp-tender, about 4 minutes;drain. Melt butter in a 12-inch nonstick skillet over moderate heat. Add garlic and cook, stirring, until it just begins to turn golden, about one minute. Add almonds and cook, stirring, until they begin to color slightly, about 2 minutes. Add beans and cook, stirring, until tender and heated through, about 2 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Serves Man (4 to be exact)

Midnight Plantain to Georgia

Fried plaintains, or in this case Tostone Frites, made from green (unripe) plaintains(like bananas only not) that are twiced fried - because two frys are better than one. I recently sampled these in a tapas restaurant and upon some brief research found out that they are a popular side dish or appetizer in many Latin American countries, including Cuba and Puerto Rico. That knowledge of course led me to my zany BFF Anne (see A Flan to Remember), whose husband is from Puerto Rico, but of Cuban decent - a twofer as far as the cuisine is concerned. Here is what Anne had to say about the salty taste treat: The cooking method is different depending on if they are very ripe (blackish and soft) or green and hard.  Tostones are always the salty ones.  Cut them about an inch thick.Deep  fry for a few minutes.  Take them out and press down on them to flatten--there is even a device to do this called a tostenara--then put back in oil until brownish.  Take out and salt.  The sweet ones, plantanitos, you cut at an angle about 1/2 inch thick and fry until they are very deep brown (they will be a little sticky (because of the sugar in them).   Clearly, the voice of experience talking as far as fried green plantains are concerned.

Midnight Train to Georgia, the 1973 number one hit by Gladys Knight and the Pips. Where to start? First, this song is one of my all-time faves. Second, growing up in the Sherwood Forest neighborhood of Detroit, we had the pleasure of being neighbors not only with Gladys, but with the Pips (Bubba, Edward and William) as well as her mother, and attended school with the children. I remember that if the leaves were down off the trees, you could sometimes see Gladys on her front porch (when she wasn't out on tour) get her morning paper from our dining room window - which I realize now sounds a bit stalkerish. Anyway, those were the good ole days. Everybody's talking about the good ole days. Try to remember, and if you remember it so, so mellow . The skies were bluer and the smiles were bright. Can it be that it was all so simple then? It certainly seemed that way, until Gladys picked up and moved to L.A. (and now owns a string of chicken and waffle restaurants in Atlanta) Sadly, all good things must come to an end, and Gladys having decided to go solo, left the Pips without a lead pipe. Richard Pryor saw the comedy in this during his short-lived TV variety show and the the rest is history. (Play the video)

The Recipe:

3 to 4 cups canola or peanut oil for frying
2 green plantains
salt or garlic salt (or both if you are a bit loco)
Tostones are twice-fried plantain chips. When making Cuban tostones, first use green plantains (plantains with a black skin are ideal for platano maduro - the sweet and soft dessert version). Peel both plantains, then slice into pieces, each piece about 2" long.

Fry them using the same method as above until soft, and let them drain on paper towels. Next, take each piece and smash it in a tostonera - a tostones press available at most online Cuban stores. If you don't have a tostonera, you can simply place paper towels over a slice, and smash it into a flat round with a can of food.

When your cooking oil is hot again, add all of your flat plantain pieces and fry them on each side until golden brown. Allow them to drain on paper towels, sprinkle them with mojo sauce (if you like) to taste, or put the mojo on the side to use as a dipping sauce. I suggest you get your Mo-Jo on.

Recipe? I ain't got no stinkin recipe (Pollo e Pepperone)

So have you ever ordered something in a restaurant and upon the first or second bite said to yourself 'I could make this at home'? Me too. And Pollo e Pepperone (Chicken and Peppers) is a perfect example. A simple dish of chicken, green and red peppers, loads of garlic and olive oil tossed with pasta. Simple for a restaurant chef perhaps, but it proved to be a bit more challenging for me. My first stab at it I neglected to dredge the chicken in flour, so it didn't brown nicely and I didn't use anywhere near enough garlic. The second try was a bit better, but still not enough garlic and olive oil. I chipped away at it, and found that the third time was the charm, finally striking pay dirt. Although, I failed to write any of it down so now when I go six months or a year between making it, I always have to guess to get it right. I usually use linguine, but fettuccine works fine. Also, this last time I made it (for the picture) I didn't have red pepper so it is all green. Also, the restaurant version has a bit of a kick to it, that I have eliminated due to the Julia child's sensitive palette.But all in all, I have the satisfaction of deconstructing and reconstructing a recipe that other restaurant patrons marvel over. That tastes good.

1948's Treasure of the Sierra Madre - a classic, an essential, one of the finest films ever made, and the originator of one of my favorite movie lines ever: "Badges? We ain't got no badges. We don't need no badges! I don't have to show you any stinkin' badges!" In 2005, the quotation was chosen as No. 36 on the American Film Institute list of the top 100 movie quotes of all time. Starring Humphrey Bogart as a down and out American in Mexico who goes mining for gold, strikes it rich, gets too greedy, and ultimately gets what's coming to him in the end. Unlike the young Robert Blake who has a brief appearance in the beginning of the film, who despite his Baretta mantra of "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime" doesn't end up paying. Anyway, we had the pleasure of finally seeing this film on the big screen as part of the Detroit Film Theatre's DFT 101 series and the experience was truly worth it's weight (and wait) in gold. Play the clip:

The Recipe:

Weren't you paying attention? There is no stikin' recipe, but here's my best guess at it:

1 pound boneless skinless chicken breast, cubed
flour for dredging
green pepper, sliced thin
red pepper, sliced thin
garlic, at least three cloves either mincend or sliced very thin
olive oil, probhably at least 1/2 cup
1 pound of pasta

While the pasta is cooking, dredge the chicken in flour. In a 12 inch pan, heat 2 tablespoons olive oil and add the chicken, cooking until browned. Add the garlic and the peppers and more oil as needed to keep a pool of it in the pan at all times. Cook until the peppers a re tender. Drain the pasta and add to pan. Toss pasta with chicken and peppers and add more oil if needed so as the pasta is evenly coated. Serve your new friends, but feed the old, as one is silver and the other is gold.

Little Ricky's Nachos

Here's the story on how the idea for this blog came about. It all started in a hotel room. At a casino. In Mt Pleasant, Michigan. And a plate full of the most enormous room service nachos any of us had ever seen. Truly one of those "you had to be there moments" but, suffice it to say the hours of hilarity that ensued will never be forgotten. My sister (we had a name for her in high school: Stupid Judy) donned the nacho bounty "Littly Ricky's Cuban Nachos" and the result was several dozen TV show themed foods (like Things Chicken Fingers and Herman Muenster's Chicken in a Casket). And thus, this blog was born. It all just goes to show you how important a food group nachos truly are. And believe you me, I have eaten my share to recognize the good, the bad and the ugly ( ie, anything with liquid "cheese" like those found at stadiums). Yes, I consider myself to be a nacho afficiando. The best have a combination of stewed chicken or beef, black beans, roasted corn, black olives and enough jalapenos to give it a kick without setting off a three alarm fire in your mouth. Nachos are really the quintessential bar food (and, as so happens, room service as well). Pictured are one of my faves - Horns Bar on Mackinac Island. The key to making nachos at home is to layer the chips and cheese - don't only put the cheese on top - and to bake, not broil. Broiling burns the chips faster than you can say McGillicuddy.

Little Ricky Ricardo - in some ways the original Cousin Oliver. Written into the finest television comedy show in the history of television comedies, I Love Lucy, as cover for Lucille Ball's own pregnancy, Little Ricky never really fit into the show's premise. Beginning with the fact that the network censors would not allow the use of the word "pregnant" on the show, Lucy had to cleverly tell Ricky that she was expecting. Tried as she might, she ended up at The Tropicana Nightclub and requesting the song "Were Having a Baby, My Baby and Me" as the way of letting big Ricky know a Little Ricky was on the way. After the birth, the Ricardos went out of their way to avoid Little Ricky, always conveniently leaving with the the old lady neighbor Mrs. Trumball  - even when they drove across country with Fred and Ethel on the the big trip to California (granted, who could stalk William Holden with a kid in tow?). From 1951 until 1957, Lucy revolutionized television, from on the first on-air pregnancy to the birth of the rerun. Seriously, where would we be without reruns (and no, I don't mean the character from "What's Happening") ? I hope we never run out of reasons to love Lucy.

The Recipe:

Restaurant quality tortilla chips (no crap chips, like tostitos)

Chicken or beef, cooked and simmered in taco sauce or some other mexican seasoning

Shredded cheese, preferably a mix of Monterrey jack, sharp cheddar, Asadero and Queso Blanco

Roasted corn (can be salsa, but not dirty dancing)

Black beans

Black olives, sliced

Tomato, chopped

On a cooking sheet or round pizza pan layer ingredients (except tomato) evenly distributing the chips, cheeses, meat and veg. Bake in a 400 degree oven just until cheese is melted (5-8 minutes). Remove from oven, garnish with tomato, crack open some cervazas and enjoy. Serves Lucy, Desi, Desi Jr and Lucie Jr.