Freaky Fryday

So, what is a girl to do with her Friday nights during Lent? Volunteer at the church all-u-can-eat fish fry, that's what. There is nothing like the lure of a commercial kitchen to get my cooking juices flowing, and it's an opportunity I've always wished for. Turns out, wishes were fishes. What I didn't expect was the fast paced environment of serving 300 fish dinners in just under two hours - clearly, I was never cut out for a career in the food service industry. Oh, and the greasy smell of my hair and clothes afterwards was rather unappealing as well. It reminds me of when my sister Dana worked at a fast food restaurant (Peppy's) in high school and my mother would make her strip when she cam in the door because her uniform smelled so bad. Anyway, the fish does taste good. Cod, dipped in a beer batter mixture of Drakes Crispy (used to be spelled with a K, but they wisely changed it to a C) Fry Mix (a fine little Michigan company since 1937) and Milwaukee's Best - the Catholics know how to do fish up right, and this recipe gives new meaning to the (fish) basket of cheer.

Freaky Friday - and I mean the 1976 original with Jodie Foster, Barbara Harris and John Astin (of Addams Family fame) The ultimate mother/daughter who has life easier vehicle that taught us all that the grass is always greener on the other side. When a teenage girl and her middle-aged mother, who don't see eye to eye on anything, both wish at the same moment (on Friday the 13th, no less) to trade places with the other hilarity ensues. The mother in the daughter's body makes a mess of things at school and the daughter in the mother's body can't handle even the basic household chores, let alone catering a dinner for her oblivious husband and his important clients. The story reaches a fever pitch during a spectacular water skiing scene where both characters concede defeat and wish to go back to being themselves, with a new found appreciation for the other of course. It is truly a cautionary tale, since every woman fears turning into her mother more than anything else.


The Recipe:

10 pounds Drakes Crispy Fry Mix
six pack of Milwaukee's best
gallons of water
100 pounds of cod, filleted, boned, cut into pieces
20 gallons of cooking oil

Special Equipment: commercial deep fryer that can hold 375 degree constant temperature

Mix the Drakes, the beer and the water and "stir like hell"; put in the walk-in for 15 minutes to chill. Dip cod into batter, shake off excess and throw in the fryer for three minutes, skimming the stray batter pieces off as the fish cooks. Drain fish and serve in aluminum pans. Serves 300 of your closest friends and relatives.

Soylent Green Beans

The food pyramid is no longer. It's now a plate, and green is it's predominate color - for vegetables of course. In fact, adults are suggested to consume as much as 2 cups of green per day. As such, I am constantly looking for healthy, tasty ways to prepare fresh greens beans. My favorite method is courtesy of my Aunt Jane and involves a lot of bacon and butter- but her recipe, while it tastes good is in no way shape or form good for you. So the quest continued until I stumbled upon a recipe for green beans with almonds in the Gourmet Cookbook. And voila! My new favorite - fresh green beans, a little butter, just the tight amount of garlic, and finely ground almonds (to the point where they are so pulverized they no longer resemble a nut). All in under 15 minutes, mind you. Now, I recommend using a food processor to grind the almonds beyond recognition - I was lazy once and thought I could pound them into submission with a meat mallet, but I just made a mess and they weren't fine enough to adhere to the beans. Got Green?

Soylent Green, the 1973 Charleton Heston sci-fi vehicle. The year is 2022 and the earth is over populated, hampered by a climate that is getting increasingly hotter, poverty, unrest and a food shortage. Hmmmm. The government provides food in colors: Red, Yellow and ultimately Green wafers that are good and supposedly good for you. Heston portrays a tough, no nonsense cop, who while investigating a suspicious death uncovers the truth about Green (alledgedly made from plankton) is really finely ground humans - leading to the great movie line: "Soylent Green is people!" This reminiscent of course of the classic Twighlight Zone episode "To Serve Man" where aliens (who look like humans except for their large foreheads) come to earth, obstensibly in peace and present their plan to the humans in a book with the same title. The stupid humans think that the aliens are here to obey, little do they know that it is really the name of their cookbook and they plan on eating the humans. Clearly, our fear of canibalism has made for some great TV and movies. I don't know what all the fuss is about - afterall, I often like to give the name "Donner" when I make a restaurant reservation - and no hostess yet has hesitated calling out "Donner Party of 4, your table is ready".


The Recipe:

1 pound green beans, trimmed
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 garlic clove, minced
1/2 cup skinned (kind of nasty when you think of it) whole almonds, finely ground in a food processor
salt and freshly ground pepper

cook bean in a 3 quart saucepan of boiling well-salted water until crisp-tender, about 4 minutes;drain. Melt butter in a 12-inch nonstick skillet over moderate heat. Add garlic and cook, stirring, until it just begins to turn golden, about one minute. Add almonds and cook, stirring, until they begin to color slightly, about 2 minutes. Add beans and cook, stirring, until tender and heated through, about 2 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Serves Man (4 to be exact)

Midnight Plantain to Georgia

Fried plaintains, or in this case Tostone Frites, made from green (unripe) plaintains(like bananas only not) that are twiced fried - because two frys are better than one. I recently sampled these in a tapas restaurant and upon some brief research found out that they are a popular side dish or appetizer in many Latin American countries, including Cuba and Puerto Rico. That knowledge of course led me to my zany BFF Anne (see A Flan to Remember), whose husband is from Puerto Rico, but of Cuban decent - a twofer as far as the cuisine is concerned. Here is what Anne had to say about the salty taste treat: The cooking method is different depending on if they are very ripe (blackish and soft) or green and hard.  Tostones are always the salty ones.  Cut them about an inch thick.Deep  fry for a few minutes.  Take them out and press down on them to flatten--there is even a device to do this called a tostenara--then put back in oil until brownish.  Take out and salt.  The sweet ones, plantanitos, you cut at an angle about 1/2 inch thick and fry until they are very deep brown (they will be a little sticky (because of the sugar in them).   Clearly, the voice of experience talking as far as fried green plantains are concerned.

Midnight Train to Georgia, the 1973 number one hit by Gladys Knight and the Pips. Where to start? First, this song is one of my all-time faves. Second, growing up in the Sherwood Forest neighborhood of Detroit, we had the pleasure of being neighbors not only with Gladys, but with the Pips (Bubba, Edward and William) as well as her mother, and attended school with the children. I remember that if the leaves were down off the trees, you could sometimes see Gladys on her front porch (when she wasn't out on tour) get her morning paper from our dining room window - which I realize now sounds a bit stalkerish. Anyway, those were the good ole days. Everybody's talking about the good ole days. Try to remember, and if you remember it so, so mellow . The skies were bluer and the smiles were bright. Can it be that it was all so simple then? It certainly seemed that way, until Gladys picked up and moved to L.A. (and now owns a string of chicken and waffle restaurants in Atlanta) Sadly, all good things must come to an end, and Gladys having decided to go solo, left the Pips without a lead pipe. Richard Pryor saw the comedy in this during his short-lived TV variety show and the the rest is history. (Play the video)

The Recipe:

3 to 4 cups canola or peanut oil for frying
2 green plantains
salt or garlic salt (or both if you are a bit loco)
Tostones are twice-fried plantain chips. When making Cuban tostones, first use green plantains (plantains with a black skin are ideal for platano maduro - the sweet and soft dessert version). Peel both plantains, then slice into pieces, each piece about 2" long.

Fry them using the same method as above until soft, and let them drain on paper towels. Next, take each piece and smash it in a tostonera - a tostones press available at most online Cuban stores. If you don't have a tostonera, you can simply place paper towels over a slice, and smash it into a flat round with a can of food.

When your cooking oil is hot again, add all of your flat plantain pieces and fry them on each side until golden brown. Allow them to drain on paper towels, sprinkle them with mojo sauce (if you like) to taste, or put the mojo on the side to use as a dipping sauce. I suggest you get your Mo-Jo on.